Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
