I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
