so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
