I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
