I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
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If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
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I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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