we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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