she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
