A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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