Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
