I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
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It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
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Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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