so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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