Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
