i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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