I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
this just has baby written all over it
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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