We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
