I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
