You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
