Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
