I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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