you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
