I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
