i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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