i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
