Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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