actually, I'm a sock model
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
