I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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