I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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