if you like me you must not know who I am
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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