I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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