I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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