I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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