She announced her abortion via fbk
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
