is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize