No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
