sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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