Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
