Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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