I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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