It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
