his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
