Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
How's work?
Spinning.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
