I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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