If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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