Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
