I think scott just propositioned me for sex
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
