The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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