well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize