I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
