I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I love having hate sex.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
