yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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