Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
