I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
