he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
