He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
