Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
