I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
