I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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