uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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